She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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