I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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