You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Randomize
