...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
