Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize