whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
