I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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