My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
