Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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