Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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