Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
