i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
