Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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