DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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