btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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