Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
so much tequila, so little girl.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize