somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
