At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
