Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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