She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
