see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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