you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You may now shotgun with the bride
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
