She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I had to cum in my sink.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
