How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
