So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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