U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
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