I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
