she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
