He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
