Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
