Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize