Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
