I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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