i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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