My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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