you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
