There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
