clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
This toilet bowl is my home.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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