My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i think i just lost a toe
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