Me too!
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
