This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
