Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
