i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
