Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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