Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
