piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
