i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
