Got a toothbrush?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
