You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
