Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
