i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
