We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
