Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
