In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
