I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
