Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
