why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize