You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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