we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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