I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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