I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
