I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize