I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
