I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
