so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
