What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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