My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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