i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
