listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
