I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
