They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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