I'm laying in your front yard are you home
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
