I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
