dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
