I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
