dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
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