There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
