I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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