Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
