He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
