no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
