I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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