Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
