...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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