we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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