and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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