Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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