I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I touched a dick in church today
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