They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
