My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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