listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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