whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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