you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize