Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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