she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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