I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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