Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
