I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
