There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
