remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
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