I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
