He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
