well you can't waste a boner
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
