i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
