well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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