I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
