We're like a lot better than the average bears
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
