I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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