She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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