he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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