i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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