So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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